Mother's Day is one of those holidays that looks simple on the surface. Flowers, brunch, a card with something cheerful on the front. But if you've ever stood in the greeting card aisle trying to find something for someone whose Mother's Day is... well, complicated... you know how fast "simple" falls apart.

Maybe you're shopping for a friend who lost her mom this year. Or someone who's been through pregnancy loss and is quietly dreading that second Sunday in May. Maybe it's a woman who has a hard relationship with her own mother and doesn't quite know what to do with a holiday that assumes everything is fine. Or someone facing their first Mother's Day without their child.

You want to show up for her. You just don't know what to say.

I get it. I've had my fair share of complicated Mother's Days.

There was a season where I was grieving my sister and my relationship with my mom. Then, came the season when my husband and I were fostering, and I was navigating what it meant to celebrate that day as a mom.  Mother's Day stopped feeling like one thing and started feeling like everything at once. Joy and sadness layered on top of each other in a way that didn't make sense and didn't have a name yet.

It was this strange, isolating experience of living a story that felt like it only existed for me. The people around me were moving through the holiday normally, and I was just... holding all of it. The grief I wasn't ready to name. The questions I didn't know how to ask. The complicated weird in-between of feeling so much and not knowing where to put any of it.

And then someone noticed. They named it. They said something that made me feel understood in a way I didn't even know I needed... and honestly, it changed everything.

That's the hard part about Mother's Day.

There are people walking through so much more than anyone around them knows. And most of the time, all they need is for someone to stop them in their story and say... I see you.

That's why The Lovely Letter Co. exists. And it's why I'm so passionate about making sure you feel equipped to walk alongside your people in these vulnerable moments.

What NOT to write (and why it matters)

Before we get to the good stuff, let's clear a few things out of the way. There are certain phrases that have become so common they feel like the right thing to say. But, most of the time it isn't. 

Here's that list...

• She's in a better place (Even if it's true, it can feel dismissive of the very real loss being felt right now.)
• At least you had so many good years together (Phrases that begin with "at least" almost never helps.)
• Stay strong (Grief doesn't need to be strong. It just needs to be felt.)

None of these come from a bad place. But when you're writing a card, you have a rare chance to do something better than the default. Take that chance.

What to write instead (by situation)

Here's the thing about writing a card for a complicated Mother's Day: you don't have to say everything. You just have to say something true.

For someone who lost her mom:

I've been thinking about you a lot as Mother's Day gets closer. I know this one is going to feel different, and I just want you to know I'm holding you in my heart. You don't have to have it together. I'm here.

For someone whose child died:

You are a mother. That doesn't change. And I want you to know that I see you and I honor you even in the middle of the hardest kind of grief there is.

For someone facing their first Mother's Day after a loss:

I know firsts are brutal. I'm not going to pretend this one will be easy. But I'm thinking of you, and if you need someone to sit in it with you, I'm here for that too.

For someone who's experienced pregnancy or infant loss:

Your love for your baby is real, and it matters. I see you as a mother, even if the world doesn't always make space for that today. You're not alone.

For someone with a complicated relationship with her mom:

I know Mother's Day isn't always a simple one for you. I just wanted you to know I'm glad you're in my life, and I'm here if you need anything this weekend.

Did you notice what each of these notes have in common?

None of them try to fix it. None of them offer a silver lining or a reason to feel better. They just say: I see you. I'm here. You're not alone.

That's it. That's the whole thing.

A card doesn't have to carry the full weight of someone's grief. It just has to be honest enough to say, you are not invisible to me. And in a season that can feel incredibly isolating, that is not a small thing.

Honestly, The fact that you're here (reading a blog post about what to write in a card) says something about you. You care. You want to show up well for someone you love. That already matters so much.

So go. Find the card. Write something honest. You know your person best. Trust that. Don't overthink the ending. Sign your name. And send it.

She'll feel more loved than you'll ever know. 

And if you need some help, here's our favorite cards for Mother's Day! Click the photo for more info.