Finding Healing Through Grief: How Losing My Sister Led to a Journey of Art and Faith

I unexpectedly lost my sister about three years ago. It was the kind of earth-shattering experience that puts life on pause while simultaneously fast-forwarding everything. It felt like an out-of-body experience, unfolding into a chaotic mess. I remember wanting everything to just stop—the noise of people, the emotions, the planning, the sympathy cards. I desperately longed for normalcy, hoping it would bring healing.

But when the noise finally quieted, I realized normal wasn't the same anymore. I felt like a stranger in my own life, navigating a world that no longer felt safe or familiar. Sometimes I felt normal but then the memories would flood back. Every day brought new challenges and unexpected waves of memories and emotions. I felt the burden of trying to fit in again and having to convince people that we could carry on with life. I struggled internally while trying to meet the expectations that other people had. I knew grief would be hard, but I didn’t realize how complicated it could be.

In the midst of this turmoil, Ellie Holcomb’s lyrics would play in my mind “Man of sorrows, what a name” A song I once randomly discovered while I was in college now spoke to me 5 years later. It reminded me that Jesus was a real human who experienced tough emotions, even grief. I wasn’t always sure I believed it, but these words gave me enough confidence to turn to the Man of Sorrows and pour out my deepest thoughts, heartache, and pain. 

Amidst the crying, shouting, praying, doubting, and confessions, I slowly felt the Lord begin to meet with me. It’s hard to put into words, but as I wrote out all my thoughts and emotions, they began to quiet. It was like each empty page was waiting to be filled by all my thoughts and experiences. And as I did that, my mind became less cloudy allowing me to hear from the Lord more clearly. Eventually, I found myself writing truths and promises that were from the Lord—promises that deeply resonated with me and addressed the deepest needs of my soul.

I was inspired to turn these revelations into art. I couldn’t keep them locked inside my journal so I gave myself the freedom to let the words flow effortlessly onto my iPad. Each piece was a testament to what God was teaching me and declaring over me. This marked a pivotal moment in my journey, where creativity became a source of healing rather than fear and anxiety. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of freedom. I felt seen, known and loved by the creator as I was creating alongside Him in one of the toughest seasons of my life.

It’s hard to believe that some of those canvases that I created at that moment in time are now written on cards and are now even being displayed in homes. The truths that once carried me through my grief are now helping others in their journeys.  I don’t think I’ll ever get used to knowing that. In hard moments, where I question and doubt - because those moments still exist - I try to remind myself of all that God has done through my journey. He’s been faithful to meet with me in my pain. He’s been faithful to meet with others time and time again in theirs. In fact, he wants to do it. He delights in it. Yes, the creator of the universe wants to meet with you. All you need to do is lean in and open up yourself to Him. The best part is that He’s already waiting for you.