I’ve been dreaming about my first blog post for a while. In fact, I’ve had a draft sitting in my Google Drive with an entire story written out for about 2 years now. My first post was supposed to be about the creation of the Lovely Letter Co. It was the 'perfect' first story. I talked about the hard things of launching a business, the big God moments, and everything in between. While I still intend on sharing those pieces of my stories very soon (because they are worth sharing) I believe that this is where my little blogging journey has to begin—right here, right now—right in the middle of the hard.
Let me give you a back story on how I got here. You see, I’ve been processing A LOT of things with the Lord. This past year has been a heck of a year. I’ve struggled more than ever as I’ve processed so much grief, pain, and loss. If I had to define the last year, it’s this—I’ve felt like a fish out of water that doesn’t know where to land or how to land. Suddenly, the truths I built my life around were no longer true. The people I trusted were no longer people I could trust. My understanding of my life no longer fit the reality I was living in. All at once, it felt like my world went crashing down. Oh, and I forgot to mention that this was all happening during the 'most exciting time of my life.' I was planning my wedding and then adjusting to married life with my love—quite the love story.
Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you’ve had expectations for your life, and all at once those expectations fell through the floor. Maybe you’ve walked through some heavy grief that you never knew could be so painful or paralyzing. Friend, can I just take a second to let you know that you aren’t alone? It might feel like you are alone. but you are not alone. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s absolutely true. You are not alone because the creator of the universe is sitting right next to you. He’s in it with you. He’s waiting for you to pour out your heart to Him—all the struggles, the pain, and all the hardships. He’s inviting you to open your heart to Him. Will the confessions of your struggles suddenly lift the burdens you’re carrying? It might, but it might not. Either way, this big truth still remains—He is near. He will walk you through it. And He might surprise you along the way with little gifts of His grace."
How do I know that? Well, even in the midst of my broken mess, the Lord seemed to show up in incredible ways. Call me spiritual, crazy, or whatever, but I often would feel my world crashing down, and somewhere along the way, I was okay. People showed up and opened their lives up to me. I had a husband to walk through these things with, a person I could trust and rely on even when I couldn’t rely on myself (the Lord knew I would need that). I saw the ways the Lord would allow certain events and timings of experiences that clearly were intentional. All these things weren’t just coincidences. Miracles, even the tiniest of miracles, were happening everywhere. It wasn’t always clear, but if I really sat down and contemplated what was happening, I could see them.
I’m not here to tell you that it’s all rainbows and butterflies when you’re walking with the Lord. In fact, the longer I live, I’m more convinced that it’s the opposite. The more the Lord would show up and work His miracles, the more it seemed like I’d get knocked out (my husband now included). It’s a real battle, a hard exhausting battle that will take you out if you aren’t relying on the Lord’s foundation. I told you earlier that many of my truths were rocked. The truth that never was completely shaken was the fact that the Lord was in the middle of all the struggles. I might not have felt Him, I might not have believed it, but I knew He was in the middle of it. And He still is.
After an intense therapy session and months of not creating, I finally was inspired to create. I was hearing the Lord in ways I hadn’t heard in some time. I felt heard and seen by the Lord in a way I hadn’t experienced. Normally, I’d keep these types of pieces to myself until they were 'audience ready.' Truthfully, these pieces are not completely finished. I’m quite aware that they look more like a rough draft than a masterpiece. My perfectionist perspective sees the need for more colors, different formatting, and artistic elements to make it look more complete. That may be true. But I couldn’t ignore the possibility that someone needed to receive these words today. That maybe within this universe, there’s someone out there in a rough season needing to be heard and seen by the creator of the universe and that these little rough drafts could make a difference for someone. These pieces simply could not wait until they achieved perfection. So in this moment in time, I present to you my prayers and some new truths the Lord is graciously washing over me. My hope is that you’ll sense some light entering into your soul as you receive them.
